


Startled to See Myself

by ashesgalaxy



Series: Led Back to You [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Backstory, Fluff, Gryffindor Keith, Gryffindor Shiro, Happy Ending, Harry Potter AU, Hogwarts AU, Hurt Shiro, Ravenclaw Allura, Ravenclaw Matt, Ravenclaw Pidge, SHEITH - Freeform, Voltron, Werewolves, angsty shiro, as a friendship in this one, depressed!Shiro, it can be read as a standalone though, pre Klance, pre Shallura, protective keith, sad shiro, scared keith, self-conscious Shiro, they're both adorable i'm sorry i made them suffer, this is the second part in a series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 16:32:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13574478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashesgalaxy/pseuds/ashesgalaxy
Summary: Keith gives an exasperated sigh. “Why aren’t you at Quidditch practice? You’re the best player on the team.”“I quit.”“What?!” Keith chokes. “That’s insane! Why would you quit, Shiro? You can’t just quit! You’re too good to quit! That- That’s a waste!”That got Shiro’s attention. He closed his book, standing up to face Keith.“That’s rich- you’re the best flyer in the school and you never even tried out!” he snaps.“Don't make this about me. Go back down there and tell them you made a mistake!”“Has it ever occurred to you that I don’t want people to look at me?!” Shiro’s voice cracks at the end.Voltron Hogwarts AU where Gryffindor Shiro overcomes what happened to him with the help of Keith and Matt.[Prequel to Lead Back to You - Klance - but can be read by itself]





	Startled to See Myself

At the age of four, Shiro could ride a broomstick all around the backyard.

            His grandfather gave it to him, and Shiro spent the sunny days of summer zooming around, tiny giggles of glee echoing throughout the warm, breezy air. His black hair danced back as he dipped down lower, the toes of his shoes barely gracing the grass. His grandfather clapped, calling, “You’re a star, Takashi!”

            At the age of eight, Shiro lived with his grandfather fulltime. His parents were off fighting in the wizarding war going on in Japan. They were good people, but they valued their work over everything else. Shiro understood. It was important to help people no matter what. That’s what his grandfather always told him.

            He was bright and confident and kind, growing up. He made many friends, even if their houses were quite the distance from his own countryside home. Shiro loved his life. He loved magic, learning, and flying. He liked when the girls in the village smiled bashfully at him and when the adults treated him as an equal due to his maturity when he went out to buy groceries for himself and his grandfather. He couldn’t cook well, but his grandfather could. He kept all of his recipes in a thick leather book with instructions written in his own handwriting. He promised Shiro that it would be his someday, so that maybe when he got married he could still enjoy good cooking.

            After he got his acceptance letter to Hogwarts, Shiro couldn’t be happier. He’d miss his grandfather, but he was still thrilled to go to the best wizarding school in the world. His first year, he met Matt, a Ravenclaw boy who was mischievous and genius. He’d never had a true best friend before, and at the age of eleven, he didn’t think life could get any better.

            But life  _did_ get better. The summer before his second year at Hogwarts was when he found Keith. He’d always wanted a sibling, and more than anything he knew he had to help the poor boy. Keith was ten going on eleven, and Shiro remembers the day vividly, but he didn’t talk about it much. Even if it was his life as well, he knew it was Keith’s story to tell.

            Everything changed, however, at the end of his third year.

 

 

            “Shiro, tomorrow’s your birthday.” Keith said, smiling at him. He was twelve, and even after being by Shiro’s side for two years, he still looked at him like he was some sort of celebrity hero.

            “Yep. Fourteen. I’m so old.”

            “You aren’t old, Shiro. I’ll be thirteen in two months.” Keith insists. “What are you going to do for your birthday?”

            Shiro shrugged. “I don’t know. What do you think I should do?”

            Keith shrugs in return and Shiro laughs. He reaches out to brush Keith’s hair from his face, a habit he picked up from his grandfather. “You need a haircut, Keith. It’s getting in your eyes.”

            Keith frowns, swatting his hand away. “I like it long.”

            “It suits you well enough. I think I’m going to go out for a bit.”

            Keith frowns, leaning forward slightly. “Shiro, it’s dark out. I… I don’t think you should go.”

            “I’ll be fine Keith, really. Besides, I’m bringing my wand.” He reasons, twirling said object between his fingers for emphasis.

            “You can’t use magic outside of school.”

            “If it’s self-defense you’re allowed. Besides, I’m just going to go get something from the shop. I won’t be more than an hour.”

            Keith stands up, reaching for his own wand. “I’m going with you.”

            “No,” Shiro insists, pushing his shoulders to sit him back on their bed. “you’re going to stay here.” He knew it was reckless going out alone at night, but everyone else did it. He just wanted to get a surprise for Keith, but he couldn’t exactly uninvite him when they went out during the day. Now would be the perfect time. “Try to finish up your summer reading by the time I get back, and maybe I’ll make us cocoa.”

            Keith nods with a sweet smile and Shiro hides one of his own. Keith had a book in his hands, uniquely purple eyes scanning the pages.

            Shiro is reassured by his grandfather’s snores as he pulls on his shoes and goes outside. The summer night air was cool as it lazily made its way across his face. He hums a little to himself as he walks, wondering what to get Keith from one of the shops that were open until midnight. He ponders it for awhile as he makes his way onto a dirt trail that led to the village. He wonders if Allura would be working with her mother at the late night coffee café. She was pretty and smart, but he had yet to speak to her at school.

            ‘This year.’ He thinks to himself. ‘This is the year I’m going to do all of the things I held back from doing.’

            Shiro can just start to see the lights of the village when there’s the sound of a twig snapping in the distance. Shiro pulls out his wand, turning around and peering through the darkness. The landscape, a distant forest and some nearby shrubbery were illuminated only by a three-quarter moon.

            “Hello?” he calls. He’s met with silence, heart picking up a ever so slightly.

            Shiro picks up the pace a little. It was probably some sort of animal, like a rabbit or a squirrel. It would make a fun story to tell Keith when he got home.

            When he hears rustling Shiro stops and turns again to see nothing. This time his heart is in his throat because that sound was  _loud_ and  _close_  and  _scary_. No matter how brave and wise Shiro was, anything that sounded like it was hiding in the dark was scary.

            “Who’s there?” his voice is a little tight. “Keith, I told you to stay home-”

            He’s cut off when a man emerges from the nearby shrubbery. He had thinning, patchy grey hair, tattered clothes, and fingernails so long he couldn’t completely close his hand around his wand. When he smiled, he bared his rotten teeth and as he drew closer, Shiro could see that the whites of his eyes were a pale yellow. Above all, it was his face that startled Shiro the most. The leering, dangerous looks as he moved forward scared him more than any appearance ever could.

            “Wh-what do you want?” he hears his voice ask, an octave or four higher than usual.

            The man ignored the question. “You’ll work.”

          

 

            Shiro can’t remember a lot on command, but he remembers something sharp cutting across his face in a blinding flash of pain. His own blood got into his eyes and he thought he went blind. He thought that horrifying werewolf in his human form was the last thing he’d ever see.

            He felt hot breath near his shoulder, and he knew from his defense against the dark arts classes that he was going to get bitten. No matter how hard he tried to escape, blinded with blood and his entire body on fire from the many slash wounds, he was held in place with his right cheek pressed to the dirt road. His blood and tears mixed as they dripped down his face in no particular hurry, making the dirt under his skin damp.

            But then there was a flash of light so bright that he could see through the blood and his eyelids, and the werewolf became heavy weight on him. His ears were ringing and his heart was thundering and he wanted to cry but he couldn’t get the sounds out. Perhaps was already crying without realizing it. All he knew was that his face hurt and his skin was so irritated and enflamed all over his limbs that he could hardly stand to be inside his own body.

            “Hey!” Keith’s voice. The boy began shaking him violently, a lot more violently than you should shake a wounded teenager. “Are there any more of them?!”

            Shiro manages to open his eyes. There’s a red film over everything. Keith is holding him close, his head upside down from where he was peering over Shiro’s face from above.

            He can’t talk. He’s just crying and crying and he wants to ask if he was bitten but he doesn’t want to know. He doesn’t want to be told that he’s going to become a monster like that man, like all of the scary people he’s read about in the newspaper. Everything hurts from where he was scratched up and he just wants to go home and never leave the house again.

            Keith gently lays him back down and Shiro notices his attacker. Keith had petrified him so he was frozen in place, yellowed eyes tracking the young boy’s movement. Normally Shiro would be horrified that Keith, so young, knew a spell like that. Instead he tries to move away, a strangled scream emitting from his burning throat at the sight of his aggressor.

            Keith stands and kicks the werewolf in the jaw as hard as he could, and the cracking sound made Shiro want to throw up more than he already needed to. He wants to tell Keith to stop but he can’t manage speaking, not when he can barely keep his eyes open.

            Keith crawls back over to him, wiping his nose on his sleeve. Shiro told him a million times he needed to stop doing that, but Keith was panicked, more panicked than Shiro had ever seen him.

            “It- it’s going to be okay, Shiro. It’ll be okay.” His false attempt at calm was pathetic, but he was trying his best. The poor boy was frantic, unable to keep his hands still and a steady voice.

            “Keith,” Shiro breathed. It sounded more like ‘Kee’. “Go home. Go back.”

            Keith shakes his head. “I can’t leave you. I won’t.” He pulls off his sweatshirt, pressing it to Shiro’s face before trying to lift him. His thin arms can’t manage it. He tries dragging the older boy but his shouts of pain made Keith start to cry more.

            “I-I’m going to get help!” Keith promised tearfully. “ _Protego!_ ”

            A shimmery shield went up around Shiro. He had no idea how someone so young could execute a defensive spell like that. Keith turned and hurried down the path to the nearby village, and Shiro pressed his face into his arm to sob heavily.

 

 

            That’s how Matt Holt answered his door at half past midnight to see a panicked Keith Kogane sporting bloodstains and wild eyes.

            “Matt, please get your dad.” Keith begged. When Matt returned with Sam Holt in tow, Keith tugged his arm to bring him outside.

            “Keith, what’s going on?” the groggy man questioned.

            “It’s Shiro, he got attacked! Please help me!” he’d pleaded. “Go faster, please, he’s bleeding a lot, don’t let him die!”

            Shiro remembered Matt’s dad and Matt helping him to their house. Remembers Matt’s mother, Colleen, sending an owl to the ministry. Shiro knew, through the pain he felt, he’d have to be inspected by the ministry. If he had turned, it would need to be documented and dealt with accordingly. It was terrifying and he hated it. Hated the feeling that his whole life could be ruined by one stupid, reckless decision.

            Matt helped him sit up and his parents told him to go to his room and make sure Katie was still asleep. Matt gave him a face full of pure worry before taking Keith’s hand and dragging him upstairs to his bedroom. Shiro was thankful Keith didn’t fight him.

            “I didn’t mean for it to happen,” Shiro whispers to Sam, still crying quietly to himself.

            “Of course you didn’t. But it’s going to be alright, son. Colleen is going to apparate to your grandfather’s and let him know what’s happened. You’re going to be just fine.”

            “My face hurts…”

            “He got you pretty good. When Colleen gets back I’m going to go make sure he’s still there and keep guard until the Ministry shows up.” Sam reassures him. He moves the cloth away from his face and frowns. “Ooh, that’s quite deep. I think we should take you to get checked out at St. Mungo’s.”

            “What if he bit me?” he chokes out.

            “They can do the check there. That way the Ministry won’t have to.”

            Shiro is beside himself in pain and terror. Everything hurt, and his clothes were in shreds from the claws that had torn deep cuts into his skin.

           

 

            Colleen took Shiro to the hospital while Sam waited for the Ministry with Shiro’s attacker. They gave Matt strict instructions to not leave the house for anything and to make sure Keith and Katie were always in the room with him.

            “I’m going to get expelled.” Keith mumbled.

            “What?” Matt asked. They were all both sitting on Matt’s bed, unable to sleep yet.

            “I stunned him.”

            “Self-defense is allowed.” Matt points out. “You know that.”

            “But then I started kicking his face. I think I broke his jaw.”

            “He almost killed Shiro, Keith. You were protecting him, that’s all. You did the right thing. I know you won’t get in trouble.” Matt reassured him. “Let’s try to get some sleep. Mom said she’s coming back tomorrow to take Shiro’s grandpa to see him. We can probably go too.”

            Keith nods, shaking slightly. They get under the blankets and Keith blows out the candle on Matt’s nightstand. He’s afraid, but only for Shiro. Keith knows Matt won’t let anything bad happen to him, but that doesn’t change how scared his best friend must be right now.

 

 

            Shiro comes to one morning because of the talking at the foot of his bed.

            “…just a precaution, Mrs. Holt.”

            “He is a  _child_! If you did the check and he has not turned, there is no reason,  _none at all_ , for you to put him in your system as a threat!”

            “This is a serious matter, Mrs. Holt. If even a drop of werewolf saliva touched one of his wounds… well, you understand how serious this is. He’s a danger to not only himself, but to the general public.”

            “He was  _tested_! He was tested on the night of admission  _and_ the following day!”

            “Shiro!” Shiro glances over at the doorway for the first time, where Keith was standing with Matt and Pidge. Keith rushes over to his side, pushing his face into Shiro’s shoulder. For the first time, Shiro gently pushes Keith away to decline the affection.

            “Go away, Keith.” His voice was rough. He was so thirsty and tired and sore. The last thing he wanted was to hurt his best friend.

            “Shiro…” Keith murmurs, purple eyes scanning him. They bypass his face and look at his hair. Shiro hasn’t seen his reflection yet, but the front of his hair was long enough for him to see. It was snowy white.

            “Go on.”

            Keith frowns, trying to take his hand but Shiro pulls it away. Keith followed him that night. He could’ve been hurt. Killed. And on top of that, Shiro could hurt him. He could hurt anyone, if what that doctor said was true.

            Matt comes over and takes Keith’s arm, guiding him from the room. It clears out until Shiro’s grandfather comes in, moving slowly due to old age.

            “That’s not how you should treat your best friend, Takashi.” He says, peering at Shiro over the frames of his large glasses.

            “I’ll only make it worse.” He murmurs. His lidded eyes stare blankly at the wall, flicking to look at the tips of his hair every few moments.

            His grandfather patted his knee gently. “I’ve known you since you were a baby, you know. Never once have I seen you make something worse, nor have I seen you hurt anybody.”

            Shiro’s sore eyes well up with tears as he finally turns to look at his guardian. “Of course I have! I did something so stupid, I’ve ruined my entire life! What if Keith hadn’t waited before coming?! What if that had been him?!”

            His grandfather nods for a moment. Then he looks up at him curiously. “You know, Takashi. I think it is a good thing Keith followed you that night, or I do believe this,” he moves his weathered old hand around slowly, indicating Shiro as a whole. “would have been a much more tragic story than it could have been. You made a decision that held terrible, terrible consequences. However, would it be fair to say that this is your fault, and not the fault of the man who inflicted so much pain upon you?”

      

  

            They’re in a compartment on the train, on their way back to school. Shiro has his head against the window, saying nothing while Keith rolls his wand around on the seat beside him.

            “Matt really wanted to sit with you. I think you hurt his feelings.” Keith says quietly.

            “I didn’t want anyone to sit with me.” Shiro mumbles back, eyes focused on the scenery as he pulled one knee up to his chest.

            He wasn’t looking forward to this school year. He wasn’t looking forward to people staring at him, questioning what happened to his once handsome face. He didn’t want his professors to think of him as a safety hazard for other students. He wasn’t a werewolf. He hadn’t been bitten. But that wouldn’t change the way people looked at him. Pitied him. Feared him.

            “Even me?”

            Shiro sighs, dragging his gaze to Keith. Keith had saved his life, the same way he’d saved Keith’s all those years ago. Even if he knew he wasn’t a threat, all of his self-doubt and insecurities made his mind say otherwise. Who was to say he wouldn’t make another terrible choice that could jeopardize the ones he loved?

            “Don’t take it personally, Keith. You know it isn’t like that.”

            They’re silent the rest of the way to school. Shiro knows this is probably just as miserable for Keith as it is for himself, but Keith doesn’t leave his side. Not even when a group of third years they both know, including Pidge, walk by with loud, excited voices.

 

 

            His deep depression doesn’t deter Keith or Matt. No matter how many times he declines Matt’s invitations to hang out, or how many times he flatly tells Keith to leave and go hangout with the rest of their friends, both of them still try to be present as much as possible. Shiro doesn’t understand it- what were they gaining from this? He wasn’t how he used to be. He wasn’t outgoing and confident, the radiant and happy person he once was that attracted the attention of everyone in the room. The one everyone wanted to befriend because he was just that friendly.

            Persistent or not, it seems his friends did have a limit.

            Keith comes over to Shiro in the common room. He was sporting a frown, but Keith didn’t usually emote positivity, so Shiro wasn’t too worried.

            “Matt went down to the pitch to see you at practice.”

            Shiro hardly looks up from his book.

            “I said Matt went down to the pitch. To see you. And you weren’t there.” Keith reiterates in a louder tone.

            “Okay.”

            Keith gives an exasperated sigh. “Why aren’t you at Quidditch practice? You’re the best player on the team.”

            Shiro’s eyes scan his textbook. He wasn’t in the mood for this. “I quit.”

            “What?!” Keith chokes. “That’s insane! Why would you quit, Shiro? You can’t just  _quit_! You’re too good to quit! That- That’s a waste!”

            That got Shiro’s attention. He closed his book, standing up to face Keith.

            “That’s rich- you’re the best flyer in the school and you never even tried out!” he snaps.

            Keith scowls right back. “Don’t make this about me. I don’t like sports. But  _you_ like sports, so it makes no sense for you to quit!”

            “I don’t have to play if I don’t want to.” Shiro says blankly.

            “Why don’t you want to? That’s crazy Shiro! Go back down there and tell them you made a mistake!”

            “No!” Shiro’s loud voice draws several people’s attention. “I don’t have to be on the team, Keith! They will be fine without me!”

            Keith shakes his head. “That’s ridiculous. I get if you don’t want me and Matt hanging around all the time anymore, but now you’re quitting your favorite sport so you can isolate yourself even more-”

            “Has it ever occurred to you that I don’t want people to look at me?!” Shiro’s voice cracks at the end. He covers his heavily scarred face with his hands.

            It’s quiet for a few beats. He expects many outcomes. A retaliation, to be left alone, even silence. Instead, Keith hugs him, pulling him in close.

            “Shiro…” he mumbles.

            “I see how they look at me, Keith. I look like… like…”

            Keith pulls him in tighter. “It’s alright. I’m… I’m sorry.” His voice is hushed. “It didn’t occur to me. I won’t bother you about it again. I’m sorry.”

           

 

            That night, after dinner, Shiro was sitting on the floor of a classroom with Keith and Matt standing behind him.

            “Okay, so…” Matt says, flipping a mirror so the reflective side faced Shiro. “Just look.”

            Shiro did look. Then he looked away.

            “Look uh, look a little more than that.” Matt instructs sheepishly.

            Shiro glances back at his reflection. Then his eyes dart to the corner of the room.

            “Okay, look then keep looking?”

            Shiro exhales heavily through his nose. He looks.

            The scar across his nose was the first thing he saw. Thick and brownish-pink, nearly cutting his face into two regions. His arms were criss-crossed with similar scars, some beige, some pink, some faintly reddish brown. His legs were covered by his pants, thankfully.

            He then looks at his hair. Much like a skunk, the middle section was white. No matter how much magic he tried, it remained white.

            “I’m just saying, if some sort of creature attacked me while cursed, I wouldn’t have gotten so lucky.” Matt snorts.

            Shiro twists around to look at his friend. “Excuse me?”

            “You get this two-toned hair that’s symmetrical and, lets face it, rad as hell. You look like such a badass. If it was me, I’d have gotten my teeth knocked our or a combover or something.”

            Shiro lets out a small laugh, the first he’s had in quite sometime.

            “See Shiro? You don’t look bad. A little different, but not bad.” Keith reassures him.

            Shiro looks back into the mirror.

            Yeah, his face was scarred. And okay, his hair was really, really noticeable. But his eyes were the same. The shape of his face was the same. Shiro smiles at his reflection, and it was the same smile he had at the start of summer. Sure, it didn’t have the same confidence behind it. For the time being, it was a forced smile. But it was a start. And Matt was right. His hair could’ve been so much worse.

            “ _And_ ,” Matt says, smirking deviously. “I talked with Allura at dinner tonight, you know, one Ravenclaw to another. She said your hair makes you look  _dashing_.”

            Shiro’s dark eyes widen. “No she didn’t.”

            “I’m not a liar.”

            Shiro grins for real this time, a faint blush spreading across his cheeks. He stands up to follow Matt and Keith back up to the seventh floor so they could go to their respective towers before getting caught out of bed at night. On his way out, he glances over his shoulder at his reflection.

            It was smiling, following his two best friends who were right by his side. Where they were meant to be.

**Author's Note:**

> *Shiro's birthday isn't really in the summer but I needed it to be for this. It bothers me too.


End file.
